Tilted – Christine and the Queens
I discovered this song like all of the music I now find today in this tempestuous sea of digital music that swirls all around – via my favourite streaming service Spotify, in a playlist called UK Hits found on the Spotify UK site (which is what I subscribe to – the music is better – I never thought I would ever say that – but I have become European – the pop music is better – but music is universal, of course).
It suited my mood perfectly yesterday as I was feeling like a complete anomaly staying put in Saudi Arabia for the better part of my summer while expats hi-tail it out of here to be with family and friends in their home countries. I’ve chosen to stay here, save money to fulfill a mission: to buy my first home at 50. How crazy is that? Well, just call me ‘crazy lady’. Because I have lived my life…as I see fit.
What I love about this song is everything said in this Times article about it – it’s about living your life despite how others see it, being yourself no matter how weird it gets and no matter what others think of you. But this feel-good number also gets at all sorts of themes like surviving a relationship ending, which we all have, because you wouldn’t be alive if something didn’t die somewhere along the way. This song reminds me that when life is off kilter and out of whack “I’m actually good” and – guess what – I can’t help it if I have done and do things a little differently from the rest.
I’m an artist. I’ve always dreamed to travel the world. I’ve made music and I have travelled the world. I recorded my last album in Bollywood, India after starting the thing in Saudi Arabia and then took the whole kit and kaboodle to Canada to finish it off. I’ve invested the equivalent of a HOUSE in making art and fulfilling dreams I’ve wanted to fulfill my whole life long.
You turn the corner at midlife and wonder: was it right? But what did I think was right at 30? I thought I was in the right place at the right time. Life is too short for regret. Regret is a waste of a mind and a waste of soul. Regret is self-punishing and it will keep you shackled to the past. What of your queer and strange life? What have you done that you both hate and love, but actually…upon reflection…you LOVE MORE? Have you loved someone you ‘shouldn’t have’? Have you gone places you ‘shouldn’t have’? Have you offended someone you ‘shouldn’t have’? Have quit something you ‘shouldn’t have’? Life is far, far too rich and diverse to limit your thinking, my friends. Great things come to those who dream them up and then seize the day. Sometimes we get lucky and sometimes we get small luck and the key…
…is to enjoy it for what it is, what it brings, what your ventures teach you and give you and show you. Don’t cry for the losses, because this is the price of a risk…something will fall by the wayside and something will never get done and something will not be quite right. But you tried.
Why I love this line ‘I am doing my face/with a magic marker’: it reminds me of a time I was sitting in Saudi Arabia in the fall of 1996, crying over a broken relationship. It had to fall away to allow us both to go the directions we wanted to go in. A Saudi friend showed up at my door with three ice creams and told me to put my ‘face’ on – put my makeup on. So. This is what Saudi women do when life is getting them down. This is what Elizabeth Gilbert talks about when she says that, when the writing is not going well, she looks herself in the mirror and realizes she could scare the muse away: she must clean up. You fake it till you make it. How many times have I thought: I can’t go on and then just…stopped the drama and had a shower, dressed up, perfumed myself, looked in the mirror, did my ‘face’ and felt better?
It must be magic if this is all it takes to change a heart and mind. It reminds me of the power of our minds to take us out of the blues and transport us straight into joy. I am also reminded by this song to DANCE. And at a time when I am focused on losing more weight than I ever have because the years have graced me with proof of my hardships, and I am focused on reversing the sense of time worn on these bones…with yoga and clean eating, there are simple ways to reach nirvana: some of us just dance, dance dance.
So, I wish you self love, joy and acceptance today. Be your tilted self and accept your decisions, your choices, your marvelous path. You had control. You have control. And where you didn’t and don’t…let go and forgive yourself. You did your best. You’re doing your best. Life has a way of working out.
PS. And let’s remember what we get when people go out on a limb: we get beauty. We get the art of life, where crooked lines and the unexpected shake us out of our dull and make us laugh and cry with the sheer brilliance of a life lived with COURAGE. Trust your brilliance.
(Don’t forget to watch that live video at the top of the page. A-mazing.)
And if you can’t get enough of this song or these amazing performers…yet another version of this song…the beauty of live performance…no two are the same.
I die way before Methuselah
So I’ll fight sleep with Ammonia
And every morning with eyes all red
I’ll miss them for the tears they shed
But I’m actually good
Can’t help it if we’re tilted
I am actually good
Can’t help it if we
I am actually good
Can’t help it if we’re tilted
I am actually good
Can’t help it if we’re tilted
I miss prosthesis and mended souls
Trample over beauty while singing their thoughts
I match them with my euphoria
When they said, “Je suis plus folle que toi.”
But I’m actually good
Can’t help it if we’re tilted
I am actually good
Can’t help it if we
I am actually good
Can’t help it if we’re tilted
I am actually good
Can’t help it if we’re tilted
Nous et la man on est de sortie
Pire qu’une simple moitié on compte à demi-demi
Pile sur un des bas côtés comme des origamis
Le bras tendu paraît cassé tout n’est qu’épis et éclis
Ces enfants bizarres
Crachés dehors comme par hasard
Cachant l’effort dans le griffoir
Et une creepy song en étendard qui fait:
I’m doing my face
With magic marker
I’m in my right place
Don’t be a downer
I’m doing my face
With magic marker
I’m in my right place
Don’t be a downer
I am actually good
Can’t help it if we’re tilted
I am actually good
Can’t help it if we
I am actually good
Can’t help it if we’re tilted
I am actually good
Can’t help it if we’re tilted